


Birdwatchers of Gotham

by confusedrambler, LadyFeste



Series: The Hungry City [12]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Canonical Character Death (mentioned), Gen, Stand Alone, The batfam makes generally poor eating decisions but not dangerous ones, many mentions of snacks, multiple grandmothers try to be grandmotherly in the general direction of the family, pseudo chatfic, pseudo forum fic, this is a love note from the citizens of gotham to their heroes that's all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:28:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23657623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/confusedrambler/pseuds/confusedrambler, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyFeste/pseuds/LadyFeste
Summary: Gotham's citizens form quick attachments, especially the subset of the population who likes to spend their free time watching the city's crimefighters work.Of course, the universal love language is food.
Series: The Hungry City [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1378894
Comments: 18
Kudos: 193





	Birdwatchers of Gotham

**Author's Note:**

> We've been excited to release Birdwatchers! it's a minor story that doesn't add a great deal to the series thematically but does lay down the groundwork for some important worldbuilding later. We don't necessarily have any more planned for the birdwatchers here, but we're sure we can come up with more little anecdotes if you want to see more chapters in this story. Let us know! 
> 
> the next story updated will of course be turn your head, tomorrow, and confusedrambler is hard at work on a rewrite of the first issues of Red Robin. There will hopefully be another one shot posted in this series soon, while I continue to procrastinate writing the next chapter in a blessing of sorrows. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

[a web forum in 1991. It’s clunky to use and has some contrast color issues, but for the time it’s top of the line and currently has sixty active users. The heading reads BIRDWATCHERS OF GOTHAM in a sans serif font, between little bat signals. Under the header the description reads “this is a fan site for those who enjoy tracking the Batman’s travels throughout the city to meet and talk about their experiences with Batman and Robin. Live community tracking threads will be archived or deleted after one week to cut down on clutter. Please stay on topic within individual sub forums and keep all conversation PG. Thank you!”]

* * *

LocoMotive: you will not believe the time I’ve had today. I got mugged, which was awful, but it lead to my first up close and personal encounter with our favorite local neighborhood cryptids 

pengoon: wow! I’m so sorry you got mugged, but I’m so jealous. I wanna meet them so bad. 

LocoMotive: it’s by far the most exciting thing to ever happen to me. I thought I was going to die, or at least have to cancel my credit card. Batman was every bit the looming specter the papers make him out to be. Super intimidating. Robin seems older than you’d think he would be—he’s really on the short side.

suckitsupes: yeah, my sister said she knew someone in college who had been pulled out of a burning building by Robin. He’s like, a teenager now but still really scrawny.

pengoon: that’s what I’ve heard. I mean he’s been doing this for years, he has to be at least my nephew’s age and he’s in high school.

LocoMotive: here’s the thing though I got mugged because I was dying for a hot dog from the stand around the corner to my apartment. And I had the hot dog when the mugging started and I’d eaten half of it. And I was so terrified that I just kind of...crushed the other half in my hand? Mustard and ketchup and onion went everywhere, I was gross, the dog was mangled, I could have passed for Condiment Man. It was humiliating. Or it would have been, if Robin hadn’t asked me if I was gonna finish it. I just gave it to him, what else was I supposed to do?? But is he okay though? Is Batman feeding him enough?

suckitsupes: oh, yeah, teenage boys are just like that. Hungry all the time. I know somebody who swears they heard Robin whining that he was hungry and Batman telling him he should have packed more belt snacks

xXGothamKnightsFanXx: this does lend credibility to the time my sister told me she rang up Robin at the McDonald’s on schuester at two am and he ordered a Big Mac meal with extra pickle and a four piece nugget and proceeded to put the nuggets and fries on the burger. And dipped the whole thing in ice cream before each bite apparently

pengoon: um where was Batman? Don’t they have some kind of training regimen diet to follow?

LocoMotive: okay well that settles it. now that I know Batman and Robin patrol at least close to my house sometimes, I’m gonna start carrying snacks on me

* * *

BobbinRobin: Batman spotted alone near brook at 8 pm

WhodunitPunnett: Robin sighting up fifth 8:10 pm

GotHam (mod): Batman seen near sherry corner 8:12

BattyBoy23: geez how did he cover that much ground?

WhodunitPunnett: never mind that, why aren’t they patrolling together?

GotHam (mod): Robin seen at Claremont dr 8:20 pm

Now that’s a reasonable distance

BobbinRobin: are you following them?? how can you be posting and following them??

GotHam (mod): no my brother has a ham radio and talks to other watchers that way to get location updates

FaceFace: dude there’s people who watch “birds” via ham radio?

WhodunitPunnett: yeah they’ve got a whole community and a mailing list even. My grandma’s knitting group does it too, they just gossip about what they see and read in the newspaper during their meetings. Just cause not many people can access the internet doesn’t mean we’re the only ones watching Batman and Robin

riddlemeswiss: Batman spotted across from that ugly horse statue on pennant, headed east.

And yeah, Punnett’s right. I think about a quarter of the city are birdwatchers even if they don’t do it with other people

harleyshyenananas: Robin spotted on Bruner and headed west. 

FaceFace: batmobile seen coming up kinsbruck

BobbinRobin: what? Is it driving itself?

WhodunitPunnett: I’d heard it can do that

harleyshyenananas: oh man I’m refreshing like crazy

PunchMachine: batgirl is driving!

FaceFace: WHAT

PunchMachine: batgirl jacked the batmobile!

WhodunitPunnett: good for her!

harleyshyenananas: batgirls my favorite!

PunchMachine: she’s heading north up peach court

GotHam (mod): bro says Batman has changed directions

FaceFace; guys, get your regular radios on. There’s a scarecrow advisory out

BattyBoy23: oh crap I gotta get my cat in

riddlemeswiss: anyone seen Robin?

FaceFace: No but batgirl just turned onto Norfolk, the radio reported

WhodunitPunnett: tv isn’t following it yet

BattyBoy23: guys Robin just brought my cat to me because I almost fell off my fire escape trying to get him

riddlemeswiss: no!!

BattyBoy23: I asked if he wanted a granola bar and he said heck yes and took it and he has a smile like rainbows and sunshine I feel all warm inside 

I told him scarecrow had been spotted and Batman and batgirl are both heading northeast and he said “holy cow” and fiddled with his belt and grappled off. I think his communicator was on the wrong channel or something 

WhodunitPunnett: oh my g-d batty you realize you just aided a vigilante in solving a crime in progress 

BattyBoy23: I feel faint 

riddlemeswiss: I’m so jealous 

BattyBoy23: I’m so glad I started carrying snacks like LocoMotive I’m going to live off that grin for two weeks

* * *

pengoon: Batman sighted on clubview, heading east. Robin heading north

BattyBoy23: well that’s odd

pengoon: yeah I think they’re just going around that big building, they’ll regroup

xXGothamKnightsFanXx: Batman spotted on rivers, heading south

ca$h.tankensen: guess regrouping is out

r0b1nf4n: Batman heading east again on Joan

ca$h.tankensen: oh I see Robin, heading west and turning north onto kite 

r0b1nf4n: what’s on kite street?

ca$h.tankensen: nothing but residences 

xXGothamKnightsFanXx: Batman’s heading north on the other side of rivers, June row I think 

greyXghostin: Robin heading east on glen

r0b1nf4n: Batman turning north on Judah road

pengoon: I think they’re looking for something

BattyBoy23: or someone

3kidsinaTrenchcoat: I think you’re right, I can see Robin heading south down Cooper he looks like he’s looking for someone

3kidsinaTrenchcoat: wait Batman’s heading west towards Cooper

3kidsinaTrenchcoat: GUYS

BattyBoy23: what did you see

3kidsinaTrenchcoat: oh my g-d sorry for the repeat posts but Batman and Robin just collided in midair. You can hear Batman yelling at Robin from two blocks away, I hope someone got pictures. Guys Batman’s gonna Murder that boy their grapple lines are completely tangled together this is the greatest day of my life

BattyBoy23: oh my g-d

pengoon: I am on my knees praying draper managed a picture of that

draperphotog: (time stamped several hours later) ask and ye shall receive [zoomed in picture of Batman and a nearly grown Robin, still in short shorts. Their grapple lines are twisted together and the two are forced to cling to each other, having lost all momentum from their swings. Batman looks furious despite half his face being covered. It’s obvious Robin is trying not to laugh]

greyXghostin: Draper coming though again!

pengoon: I’m saving this to my computer

3kidsinaTrenchcoat: my hero!!! I love you!!!

* * *

draperphotog: [photo of second robin jumping from one gargoyle to the next] new Robin!

callmegrangran: oh good. I mean I miss the old one of course but just watching Batman by himself isn’t nearly as much fun. He’s too good at hiding and he never takes snacks.

FaceFace: that’s a fantastic photo Draper how did you take that?

draperphotog: took me a week and nearly cost me a finger that’s how

BattyBoy23: he’s super skinny

LocoMotive: yeah I think we need to load up on snacks just in case

r0b1nf4n: I wish we could just like, keep some in places throughout the city? Like on light poles or mail slots or something? Swinging around the city has to be hungry work and they don’t always run into one of us with snacks. I know they have some snacks on them but they run out or lose them and the last robin was always hungry

callmegrangran: that is a really good idea though. What if we built some drop boxes or something? If we put in nonperishables and the bats don’t eat them, there’s a lot of people sleeping rough in Gotham that could use the food. When I was young I spent a few weeks on the streets myself, and I would have appreciated a little pick me up now and then.

FaceFace: I might know somebody who could come up with something. In the meantime anybody see the new Robin besides Draper?

stitchwitches: oh wait I did last night! The carbon monoxide alarm went off in my building while the bats were in the area and Robin cleared my floor before emergency personnel arrived. He’s nice. Louder than the first Robin. A little more blunt.

draperphotog: more blunt?

stitchwitches: yeah, like he cusses and I’ve never heard the first one cuss. He’s less likely to banter and more likely to trash talk. He kept laughing at his own jokes, it was cute. Batman acted like he was annoyed but I caught him laughing once 

LocoMotive: good. He laughed at the other one too

r0b1nf4n: whatever happened to him anyway?

FaceFace: no confirmation so far but my aunt in bludhaven who used to visit me says that nightwing character looks Awful Familiar if you catch my drift

* * *

GotHam (mod): [picture of a plain plastic box with a stamp of a bird on the side, strapped to the bottom of a street light. There are packaged snacks inside, visible through the clear plastic, and the side that opens has an unlocked lock] okay folks it’s official. The first drop boxes went up last night. There’s twenty in the city now and we hope to install another thirty throughout the month. They’re marked with a little bird on the side and shelters throughout the city have been made aware that people who need it can take the food inside. Now all we have to do is get the news to Robin and Batman

WhodunitPunnett: maybe just Robin, I’ve heard Batman grumping at both robins for taking food from strangers. Which, I get it, it is gotham, but I’ve also definitely had Batman come back by my neighborhood for my two bite pineapple upside down cakes

knighttime: yeah he likes my apple dumplings too the hypocrite

britabrack: my gran says she knows several people he stops by periodically just for snacks, but she says they can see him testing them first. he just wants Robin to be more careful I guess. They do have a tendency to eat just Anything

draperphotog: are we doing anything to keep people from tampering with the boxes?

GotHam (mod): most of them have safety locks for when people like poison ivy are out and stuff like food could potentially be tampered with through exposure. We’ve also got people keeping an eye on them, and if anyone stays at the box for more than five minutes there’s a number to call for someone to check for traps. We want these to stay as safe as possible. We know it’s not going to be possible a hundred percent of the time, but with a little vigilance, they can be reliably safe. 

3kidsinaTrenchcoat: excellent. Dead drops like in spy movies

knighttime: can we call them something else?

BobbinRobin: you’re missing the obvious. Bird feeders.

WhodunitPunnett: xD oh my g-d that’s perfect

draperphotog: I’m putting protein bars in the one in my neighborhood.

Knighttime: Robin loved my friends' empanadas. I wonder if they’d keep.

* * *

/I\\(;,;)/I\: hey has anyone seen Batgirl around lately? 

batgirl-in-training: hey, welcome to the forums! Batgirl hasn’t been seen in about two years. Word on the street is she retired before college.

/I\\(;,;)/I\: oh good, I just wanted to make sure nothing had happened to her.

batgirl-in-training: nope! She’s fine. 

draperphotog: wait how did you hear that? Word on what street?

batgirl-in-training: ...I may have a cousin that went to jail because he’s an idiot who makes bad choices, and he may have overheard Nightwing telling Robin about Batgirl’s class load while Batman punched his teeth in

draperphotog: and he remembered?

batgirl-in-training: he was a birdwatcher before he started running with the skulls

draperphotog: well that’s one way to guarantee you get to meet your heroes

* * *

JCsMom: guys the new Robin is Latino and my daughter wants to marry him what do I do

riddlemeswiss: uh how did you figure that out 

JCsMom: she and her friend insisted they walk themselves to her other friend’s quinceañera and I said only if her brother escorts them. Of course they ditched my son as soon as they could and nearly got kidnapped by some gang hopped up on venom. Robin took care of the thugs and when he asked where they were going all dressed up they told him and he switched to perfect Spanish and asked to walk them the rest of the way in exchange for cake and plantains. Apparently the boy can not resist plantains.

riddlemeswiss: incredible I love him

JCsMom: yeah so does my daughter

LocoMotive: a Hispanic icon. Did he go to the quinceañera 

JCsMom: apparently he stayed about ten minutes and was very sweet, if a little bashful. He made the girls’ night but now all my daughter can talk about is his eyes and his voice

riddlemeswiss: his eyes? Doesn’t he have the spooky blanks like the bat?

JCsMom: yeah but according to my daughter he Must have beautiful brown eyes, he’s too good to be anything but handsome 

LocoMotive: oh boy 

riddlemeswiss: you’re in trouble

JCsMom: if I catch her looking for catsuits and domino masks to start crime fighting to get this boys attention I’m suing Batman for damages

* * *

(Pinned thread, read this) 

nextrobin352 (mod): in a tragic turn of events, it seems Robin was murdered by Joker earlier this month. The Joker has just returned to the states after some time abroad. I’m sure most of you have seen the news about the accident at Ace chemicals that resulted in his disfigurement and almost recent arrest. Before the accident, he was heard bragging about the death of Robin in multiple locations, and although we can’t confirm it, the Batman’s recent behavior and Robin’s disappearance leads the moderators to believe the Joker was telling the truth. We have opened up a new thread as a tribute to Robin, for users to express their grief and gratitude and tell stories of their experiences with him. We ask that everyone be respectful in this trying time and avoid asking the Batman about it if you see him.

* * *

[web forum page circa 1997. Most of the site has been inaccessible for the last two months. Much of the coding has been updated but the header and description remains the same. A new tag line under the description reads “welcome to the new and improved BOG forum! Please be patient while we work out the last kinks in our coding.” The site now boasts 240 members.]

* * *

BobbinRobin: Hey is there any truth to the rumor about a new Robin?

BatBoy23: I haven’t heard about that

callmegrangran: I’ve heard it but I haven’t seen anyone

ca$h.tankensen: it’s true! I’ve seen him!

BatBoy23: what??

ca$h.tankensen: he’s shorter than the last one and kinda scrawny and has black hair like the others. I just got groceries and some maniac almost hit me with their car and he pulled me out of the way. I was so shocked to see him, I just offered him the first thing of my bagsI could grab. Thankfully it was an orange and not like a box of hamburger helper or something that would have just been embarrassing. But I didn’t have any snacks on me! There hasn’t been a Robin! He almost burst into tears when I gave it to him though

callmegrangran: awww really? Poor thing

BobbinRobin: oh I’ve got to see this

BatBoy23: brb gotta restock the bird feeder on my street 

* * *

greyXghostin: alright folks I know there’s a new robin but like. How new are we talking. Because I just went out to check on my bird feeder and I saw a blonde _girl_ in a robin suit pulling a pack of cookies out of the feeder. She dropped one of the cookies and cursed and picked it up and dusted it off and ate it anyway. Which, those are from my grandma and hard same, but still. I figured going out would just embarrass us both so I turned around and went back in

harleyshyenananas: you saw blonde girl robin!! Do you know how _rare_ she is?

greyXghostin: wait, so she’s legit? I thought the new robin was another black haired boy??

batgirl-in-training: blonde girl robin pulled my idiot dog out of a gotham storm drain and for that I will forever owe her my life

harleyshyenananas: she’s definitely legit. She just only comes out with Batman once in a blue moon. New boy is still there!

x_uspoilme_x: blonde girl robin is my favorite and I love her! She’s Spoiler when she’s not being Robin! I know because she started coming back to my box as Spoiler because I stock chocolate Chex mix. They have the same voice

greyXghostin: holy crap I’m going to get chocolate Chex mix

* * *

WhodunitPunnett: guys this Robin has some major sass

pengoon: really? I’ve run into him once and he kinda seems like a pushover 

Hawkward (mod): yeah I’ve seen him a few times now and can’t get a good read on him. He’s nice though. He dragged my little brother away from a potential drug deal and he was talking a lot of smack, but then I gave him a peanut butter protein bar and I thought he was gonna cry

Flexecutioner: this Robin gets really emotional when you give him stuff. He’s also more likely to check the bird feeders too, and he seems to know where more of them are

pengoon: maybe I met him on a bad night

WhodunitPunnett: last night I saw him get Batman to use a bird feeder so he’s officially my favorite robin

pengoon: Batman did What

WhodunitPunnett: I couldn’t hear what they were saying but they were obviously having some kind of argument and in the end Batman just glared at him for a solid minute and he pointed at the feeder under the telephone pole and Batman just reached in and grabbed a granola bar and started eating. Didn’t break eye contact

3kidsinaTrenchcoat: Batman never uses the feeders

pengoon: man are we going to start having to figure out what Batman likes now? 

britabrack: bite sized cakes with protein flour, hand pies, oatmeal raisin cookies, beef jerky, and savory granola. Oh, and he never turns down homemade bread

pengoon: :O

3kidsinaTrenchcoat: you are a GOD

britabrack: nope my gran lives in a terrible part of town and runs into his patrol all the time. You don’t say no to my gran, even if you are the Batman. Just cuz he doesn’t use the feeders doesn’t mean he never takes treats. He just only takes them from people directly, and usually not where there might be witnesses. There’s some pinned recipes in the recipe forum that he’s known to Never turn down

pengoon: I can’t believe this

riddlemeswiss: remind me to tell you about the pemmican man when I get off work. I thought Batman was gonna marry him

3kidsinaTrenchcoat: pemmican man

pengoon: the pemmican man???

Britabrak: Swiss _please_ tell us about pemmican man

riddlemeswiss: okay off work now so this crazy doomsday prepper used to live in my building and he made his own pemmican, like the stuff native people used to eat, with ground up meat and fruit in fat? Man was insane. He’d get pounds and pounds of meat and fruit and dry it out himself. 

Well, Riddler used our building at a giant maze once and Batman had to save the prepper from becoming Komodo dragon chow and I don’t know What they talked about but for the next two months Batman showed up two or three times a week to buy pounds of like, bathtub pemmican off this guy. It keeps forever he’s probably got enough to last him a year. 

I’m pretty sure he only stopped because the dude lost his lease because he was hoard to the point that it became a health hazard for the floor. Floorboards started buckling

3kidsinaTrenchcoat: oh my g-d

pengoon: Batman eats bathtub pemmican!!

WhodunitPunnett: what does that even taste like?

riddlemeswiss: no joke, dog food. It’s just powdered meat and fruit I’m sure that’s how they actually make dog kibble 

britabrack: is this man even real

* * *

knighttime: new batgirl sighting heading up guard street

batgirl-in-training: dangit it’s times like this I wish Draper hadn’t moved out of Gotham. I haven’t seen her yet and there’s been no pictures

Hawkward (mod): she’s heading toward Gotham U

FaceFace: she’s terrifying I’ve run into her before

Hawkward (mod): spill 

FaceFace: she doesn’t talk. Like the mouth part of her cowl is all sewn up, she just stares at you. And she’s brutal

mynameisirrelephant: batgirl turned away from the U she’s moving east down Brooklyn 

knighttime: does she use the feeders?

Hawkward (mod): I haven’t heard of any sightings

mynameisirrelephant: guys I’ve got eyes on her she’s using the feeder now

batgirl-in-training: holy crap

knighttime: what’s she taking

mynameisirrelephant: looks like little Debbie brownies

Hawkward (mod): another sweet tooth?

mynameisirrelephant: she shoved some nuts in her belt for later and she’s already gone. Heading south toward the park. Wow I feel blessed

FaceFace: fantastic between this and the laugh somebody managed to hear from Batman after Robin cracked a pun in the other thread this is shaping up to be a great night 

* * *

harleyshyenananas: hey has anyone noticed Batman just kinda dropped off the face of the earth

callmegrangran: maybe he’s undercover somewhere?

WhodunitPunnett: Robin’s been patrolling alone for the past month at least

harleyshyenananas: you don’t think he got hurt do you 

callmegrangran: he uses my feeder once or twice a month. If I see him I’ll ask. It is odd 

* * *

_[on a sub group within the message boards]_

AlleyKat: okay I know this is for heroes and not rogues but…can I get some Red Hood love up in here?

Park_Row_Baby: I am never not appreciating Red Hood. he saved my uncle’s grocery store by taking over the gang that was pulling the protection racket on him. He doesn’t charge anything, he just keeps the gangs away for free. He stops by for late night groceries sometimes after patrol and refuses to take discounts

LocoMotive: oh thank g-d my people. Red Hood saved my abuelita from purse snatchers in what frankly looked like a classic robin move and he actually shuffled his feet when he gave her her bag back and she called him a nice young man.

AlleyKat: yeah I know he a criminal and killed a lot of people and stuff heads in duffel bags blah blah, but my cousin is a working girl and she says things have gotten ten times better and easier for her since Red Hood declared himself the official crime alley pimp. She says there’s less kids walking the street and the ones that don’t want to stay in sex work can now successfully save their way out of it 

shookespeers: I work at a theater in Crime Alley with a guy we’re like, 97% sure is one of Hood’s lieutenants and if all the guys he had working for him are like him, then I’m for him. This guy works to restore the theater for free, stays late to help people run their lines, real good with the kids that come in for the after school programs, but there’s constantly people coming in saying the Hood sent them to find him. Some hired muscle tried to shake us up for whatever kind of fees they’re trying to peddle nowadays and this guy comes out and just looks down at him and tenses up a little and says “you wanna run that by me again, amigo?” Muscle turns tail and runs

LocoMotive: I don’t care if he is a criminal, there’s already one feeder in crime alley and I’m gonna build some more.

Park_Row_Baby: he loves tamales! My uncle always saves one just in case Hood comes by. Also somebody offered him plantains once and he almost bowled someone over to get at them

shookespeers: I’ll try to find a way to ask my guy what else Red Hood likes. Guy’s cleaning up the Alley. He’s not a bat, sure but we’ll take what we can get 

* * *

LocoMotive: okay I’m glad Batman is back and all, but did they think they were fooling anyone? A, that’s not the real Batman, B, who the **** is that kid in the robin suit

BobbinRobin: I know! He’s got a sword! Those kill people! And he doesn’t seem to be too concerned or careful about it! I hope this bat knows what he’s doing.

Hawkward (mod): idk what the kids deal is or where the real Batman is at but this bat uses the feeders Religiously, folks. I’ve seen him at every one I’ve checked this week.

Flexecutioner: it’s nightwing, guys! This Batman is just nightwing in a different suit! My little sister lives in bludhaven and she says he’s been gone for a month now.

BobbinRobin: you think that’s nightwing’s kid?

Flexecutioner: I hope not, because that means I’ve been here long enough for R1 to have kids and I’m not ready to be that old lol

callmegrangran: i hope the other Batman is okay

greyXghostin: full disclosure, i’ve met the new robin and bat. they pulled me out of Gotham Harbor last time I got drunk and fell in (don’t judge we all know the harbor has the cheapest bars) and the kid is Terrible. He’s the Worst.

Hawkward (mod): he does seem kinda bratty, Nightwingbat keeps trying to convince him to snack at feeders but he refuses to touch anything. He insulted somebody’s homemade chocolate chip cookies

LocoMotive: yikes 

BobbinRobin: where’s the other robin? he would thank you if you gave him linty pocket candy and I know this from experience 

BatBoy23: I haven’t seen spoiler or batgirl lately either

LocoMotive: Spoiler’s been MIA since Falcone and Maroni had that spat, see the pinned thread for conspiracy theories 

Flexecutioner: hasn’t been a batgirl sighting in a few months, but that’s not unusual. She was always more like Batman, really good at staying away from cameras 

BobbinRobin: anybody else feel like this is all a bad sign?

* * *

[a web forum, circa 2003. The servers have been improved, the art and font on the header banner has been updated, and the description is no longer pinned to the top of the screen. Posting seems more user friendly and the members ticker at the bottom of the homepage says they’re at over six hundred members]

* * *

PunchMachine: anybody know why there’s two robins running around since Batman came back?

stitchwitches: I was a little distracted with the return of OG Batman and his glorious schnoz. Two robins? The little knifey one and…?

PunchMachine: idk, some guy in a robin suit but it looks different and the gadgets are different and everything’s all red

mynameisirrelephant: he’s calling himself Red Robin, but yeah that’s about right. I heard he’s an international thief

PunchMachine: why would batman be working with him then? 

stitchwitches: I dunno. He works with Red Hood now sometimes. Though, you notice he took away the stabby robin’s sword

britabrack: I noticed and the streets feel much safer now that I know robin isn’t gonna accidentally shank me when he goes for the goon trying to hold me hostage

mynameisirrelephant: maybe he’s not really a thief, that’s just what I heard

ArkHumm: I heard he’s R3 in a new get up

stitchwitches: okay that makes a little sense but the name does not. we can’t have two robins that’s way too confusing

ArkHumm: we’ve had two robins at the same time before, it was just R3 and Blonde Girl Robin. Problem now is this “red robin” character and knife robin look kind of alike

mynameisirrelephant: I have a feeling knife robin is going to stick

PunchMachine: in the meantime anybody figure out what stabby robin likes to eat?

mynameisirrelephant: no he’s too picky. Batman isn’t trying to get him to use the boxes anymore either because he’s the Real bat and not BatNightMan

stitchwitches: hallelujah to that. I love nightwing but. somebody make that nose a big ole welcome back cake we have Missed him

britabrack: my gran did make him a cake

ArkHumm: your gran is a national hero, britabrack

* * *

x_uspoilme_x: BLONDE GIRL ROBIN IS BATGIRL NOW I REPEAT BLONDE GIRL ROBIN IS BATGIRL I knEw it was a good idea to keep stocking chocolate Chex mix 

VmanbatV: blonde girl robin is back! I love her! What happened to the terrifying batgirl?

RobinMeBlind: no idea but should you guys really be calling her blonde girl robin? She was just robin and spoiler and now she’s batgirl

VmanbatV: that’s fair but there’s been like five robins we need to keep track and she is the only blonde girl

RobinMeBlind: she’s also the only blond and the only girl, separately. Putting them together sounds weird and kind of Barbie-wannabe-esque 

x_uspoilme_x: sounds like somebody isn’t a fan of blonde girl batgirl

Flexecutioner: yeah unfortunately that’s just how the numbers go. R1, R2 (May he rest in peace), R3, blonde girl robin, knife robin. Maybe the next one we’ll go back to R4.

* * *

ArkHumm: okay folks we’ve got a newbie and he’s moving up Baker Street as we speak

BobbinRobin: ooh it’s early, he works during dusk? We sure he’s a bat?

britabrack: if it’s who I’m thinking about, yeah, he’s definitely a bat. He operates in afternoons sometimes too. I don’t know about a name for certain. I can see him going east on foster ave though 

batmans-sense-of-humour: continuing east on Foster. I like the suit

WrongRobin: turning onto West Elm, and I’ve seen him before. He calls himself Signal. He helped me out last time Falcone made a stink, he’s a meta and very nice

GotHam (mod): my brother says he’s picked up a bike from somewhere and is headed north

nobodynose: oh I just saw him turning on Oak! I’ve got tingles, that’s my first non-robin sighting

ArkHumm: congrats!

snakesonthebatplane: he’s turning again, going south this time

snakesonthebatplane: wait, I know that guy!

BobbinRobin: wait like you know him or you _know_ him?

snakesonthebatplane: yeah sort of to both. That’s Boss Robin! I don’t remember what name he gave but most of them were fakes anyway 

batmans-sense-of-humour: wait, like _the_ boss robin?

snakesonthebatplane: yeah, I’m sure of it! I ran with his group!

stitchwitches: he’s regrouping with Red Robin at Seventh and I can confirm, Signal is Boss Robin. I met him once running supplies for the Poison Oaks. 

ArkHumm: no _wonder_ he’s a bat now

snakesonthebatplane: I have no idea what he likes though. I wanna say more salty than sweet. Lemme talk to a friend of mine who also ran with them and see if anyone ever talked snacks

* * *

nobodynose: welp I found out what happened to the terrifying batgirl folks [grainy, small, low-quality image of a black and white blurry headshot of Black Bat. The lower half of her face is obscured by a mask in the shape of a bat. A brass fitting in the shape of a bat’s head sits over the nose, framed by short spikes. Spiky leather wings sweep over her cheeks, the outer tips sewn to the edge of a domino with grey lenses. Photo likely taken on a flip phone and the quality and dim lighting adds to the horror factor]

bi-bi-birdies: JESUS

PunchMachine: good lord

nobodynose: she’s called Black Bat, far as I can tell, and apparently this suits her Aesthetic better. those eyes are actually Red by the way 

PunchMachine: I was wondering about that random drop in the crime statistics

britabrack: local hero adopts man eating cryptid, more news to come

* * *

BattinaThousand: Guys! I have solved the knife Robin! The boy is middle eastern! That’s why he’s “picky” he doesn’t have a western sweet tooth, everything’s too cloying!

VmanbatV: what

batmans-sense-of-humour: ohhh brb I gotta dig up mom’s date and cashew bar recipe

WrongRobin: how did you work that out??

BattinaThousand: saw him swipe some olives from his belt pouch when Batman sent him to the sidelines during last night’s fight with clayface and on a hunch offered him some falafel from dinner. He took it without a second thought. He also took some rosewater cheater donuts and a spiced cucumber, he’s a growing boy. Also he’s a vegetarian 

VmanbatV: everything makes so much sense 

pengoon: you’re blowing my mind here I cannot Believe you managed to feed the stabby one

batmans-sense-of-humour: do you think he likes spiced pita chips they’ll keep alright in the bird feeders and I can whip them up really fast

WrongRobin: it’s worth a shot. I need to talk to my neighbors, they’re Pakistani immigrants and bird watchers but they don’t have internet 

VmanbatV: I’m going to the library tomorrow I’ll see if they have any middle eastern cookbooks 

BattinaThousand: I’ll see if I can get a mod to pin a note or something. Let’s feed knife boy!

* * *

Batmanluvr86689: hey anybody else notice knife Robin is a stabby middle eastern teenager and Damian Wayne is a stabby middle eastern teenager?

BattinaThousand: in my humble opinion most middle eastern teenagers in this day and age have a right to be a little stabby

ArkHumm: next you’ll be saying Bruce “glass jaw” Wayne is Batman cuz the Bat’s trying to hide a shnoz

Harry-Batter: guys can we not start the nose jokes again 

stitchwitches: did someone mention Batman’s lovely becowled nose?

riddlemeswiss: [image of a grainy low-res close up of Batman’s nose with various marks pointing at specific angles with some exclamation points and illegible words, everything drawn in ms paint]

* * *

[a 2010 mod post over a plain grey background where the Birdwatchers of Gotham domain used to be]

nextrobin352 (mod): [an image of an uppertext lowertext meme with a picture of Bruce Wayne, the upper text reads “nice one Bruce” and the bottom text reads “you broke our website”] So BDubs decided to single-handedly finance wifi for the entire city, giving no strings attached free internet access to millions of Gotham residents who have otherwise been having to brave public resources. Which is fantastic, and we’re thrilled. But with the appearance of R4 and…millions of Gothamites getting internet access for the first time, we experienced a wave of new users so large it crashed all of our servers. We’ve been operating the forum as a small team ever since we got started in the late 90s, and although we’ve made updates over the years, we were not prepared for sheer numbers of new members that flooded our site. We’d always guessed that about a quarter of the city were birdwatchers in some form. A quarter of Gotham is over two million people, folks, and we couldn’t handle it. 

We’ve taken down the site for what we hope will only be a few weeks of coding work while we look for ways to fund larger servers and bring the BOGs back to you better than ever. In the meantime, we ask for your patience, and remind you that you can get updates from our Facebook group. If you have any coding experience, or have experience as a mod, and have some time to volunteer--or if you are able to and would like to donate toward buying new servers to support all our new members, please get in touch with us there. This is not the end of us. It’s just a new beginning. With love, your mod team <3

[under the post, where should be just blank space where the frozen notice ends, it looks like someone has hacked the code to give the mods a more direct message]

R3&RedheadBatgirl: On behalf of all of Batman Inc, thank you for your years of support. We’ll contact you shortly with some hosting options. 


End file.
